I've been wondering what it will be like to return to life in the US after living in Cameroon for a year, so when a friend here offered me a book on the subject, I took her up on it. The book is actually for missionaries, not NGO volunteers like us, but it was interesting and helpful.
Some of the advice didn't have much to do with us, or why we're here. For example, I doubt we'll go back to our church with a sense of Christian superiority, or that we'll fail to submit to the authority of our male pastor (especially because her name is Sheri), both of which the book warns returning missionaries to beware of. But the warnings about "reverse culture shock" seem apt. Living in a much poorer country can change your perspective (how could it not?) on life in a rich one like the US, and make it difficult to pick your former life back up again:
What are some of the signs of reverse culture shock? One is feeling "out of place," as thought you are a spectator watching from afar. You don't really fit in with what is going on around you. While everyone else seems to be sure of their social position, you seem to hang out at the edges, wanting to participate fully, but not being quite able to.
Another sign is feeling lonely. You feel isolated from your closest friends and family members. They have changed, and you don't always understand exactly where they're coming from. Thus you feel like the "odd man out."
You may also find yourself reacting in odd ways; weeping at a children's television program or being completely overwhelmed by the number of television movies from which to choose on a typical Saturday night.
However, one of the biggest aspects of reverse culture shock is the reaction to western materialism.
...[it] takes time, but if you don't adjust in some measure to the "wasteful West," you will become critical of and alienated from others around you. You will find yourself becoming judgmental of your family and friends for doing exactly the same things you used to do. And as time goes by, you will find yourself falling back into those old habit patterns, and you will become angry and frustrated with yourself because of it.
(from Re-Entry: Making the transition from missions to a life at home, by Peter Jordan, 1992; liberal italics from the original)
Again, as with my experience of culture shock, I can't help finding this all strongly reminiscent of life in junior high. Culture shock, reverse culture shock, it's all really just time travel. Go figure.
(As you might expect, the earlier post about culture shock generated a lot of email and comments, more than anything else we've posted. One friend said he was pretty depressed after reading it. It was certainly a shock at first (it is "culture shock," after all), but like a lot of painful things, it's a chance to grow. Nobody seems to talk about the negative aspects of our kind of travel, at least not in any detail, so I wanted to share it. We have a pretty good time here most of the time, and have seen things most people in the US never get to see. I have no complaints, only occasional difficulties. I won't speak for Ann, but once or twice we discussed coming home early when things were difficult, and always decided against it.
All that said, thank you to everyone who sent us expressions of support, well-meant advice, or just checked in with a few comments.)
2 comments:
Thanks for sharing this too. I think you can have culture shocks within the States too; I have a number of friends who come from less fortunate neighborhoods (to say the least). It is shocking to hear the stories of what they had to go through in order to get this far (now they're doing great). But at the same time it is promising to hear that there is a way out and to make you see how glad you should be with the history and present you got. It also makes you realize that the situation you are in does not come automatically for many and that you should help where ever you can. I certainly hope you guys will be able to adapt soon, and we'll be more than welcoming!!! All the best for your last weeks there!! Frank
Their description is spot on. When I moved back from Ecuador, I had a very hard time with all of those feelings. It was bizarre. I remember going to a supermarket and being gob-smacked at the casual display of enormous wealth. It just seemed impossible. It was a while before I could hang out with friends and not feel like I was wearing some sort of diver's suit, some impermeable barrier between me and everybody else.
It reminds me of when a friend of mine came back after two years in the Peace Corps in Senegal. She happened to arrive just hours before her sister's office Christmas party, so we all went together to this swanky affair high in a skyscraper overlooking Chicago. In retrospect, that was probably a mistake. Being sucked up by space creatures would have been less difficult for her, as at least you expect that to be weird. Having a perfectly normal party and a host of familiar people seem totally alien left her shaking at points.
Luckily you two are older, have each other, and are forewarned. I'm sure it will be easier. If I can help, don't hesitate to ask.
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